he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
