no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Someone signed my nipple.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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