Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
