that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
