Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
