listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
