Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
