Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
