Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
