I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
