Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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