i barfeds in our rink
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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