We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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