I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
