My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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