sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
