I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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