Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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