after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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