Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
