I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
