You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
