I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
