I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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