ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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