The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
