Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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