What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
