it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
