she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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