my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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