I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
