i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
