She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
