i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
