you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
