if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
40s are totally the cure
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
