i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
