Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
