I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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