You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
