i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
