my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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