at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
