Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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