It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
