i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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