i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
