Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
