i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
