Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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