i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
