where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
