i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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