if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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