Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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