She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
