Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
