this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
