Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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