I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
